Pennsylvania farm girl: big sport, taking out bats at dusk with a BB gun. And as a side bar, WD40 and a lighter make great balls of fire out of black widow spiders and sewer roaches. Learned that living in CA and AZ...
Ladyblake - WD 40 fire balls to nuke spiders and roaches!! Pretty cool...how do you feel about big huge nasty hornets?...In keeping with the fire ball theme, let me show you how I do it................
Hm, I actually like hornets, they keep wasps and other real vermin away.
Good thing you are not working as a professional pest control. I would not call you to my house, I would be afraid of the "thoroughness" of your methods.
LOL, Oh, there was pain involved!, just didn't get it on tape, how do you think I found this nest in the first place? I'll tell you...this nest was located directly in line of a "jump" or should I say, ATV exit point. There is a trail with a forty foot drop right behind the "hive" area, and I came up and air-born out of it...thus finding the fully occupied hive with my (fortunately helmeted) head! It took two stings, (to realize my impending doom) before I got on the throttle and got the heck outta there, if that wasn't enough, I snuck back around to "check em out" and walked over an underground yellow jacket nest (no stings but got me dancing). The farmer there is one of the epipen carrying types as well as an allergic "tenant" who lives in the cottage rental home there...so It had to go...first attempt, not successful (see for your self).....
Personally I wanted to leave them be, so I could collect the big hive that fall since they abandon it then. So I just had to do it, and that's what I call a bug bomb!
Bill is asked by his friend Steve to cover his shift at his bar for a night. Sure say says Bill, but wait arent all your customers deaf? Yeah, says Steve, but no biggie, I'll teach you the signs for all their drinks. Ok says Bill and proceeds to learn them. When the day came to cover the shift everything was going great, he was serving the right drinks and everyone seemed happy. Til about 9 pm when almost all of them started making signs he didn't know. Panicking he called Steve, "dude what do I do, they're all making the same signs, I don't know these ones" Steve asks: same sings at the same time? Yeah, yeah says Bill what do I do?? 'Nothing' Steve says,
Fellow walks into a bar and sits on a stool beside a guy who looks like he's had a few too many. The guy falls off his bar stool and the fellow picks him up and puts him back on the stool. Guy says thanks and buys them both a drink. Guy falls off the stool again, again the fellow picks him up and puts him on the stool again. Buys them another round. After a couple of rounds of this the Fellow says "hey, your not driving are you? The guy says 'course not, but I do need to find a way home. Fellow says, well I'm leaving, how 'bout I drop you off? The guy says, your a swell fellow, I'd appreciate that. The fellow gets up to leave and the guys says, I think I need a hand here. The fellow half carries, half drags the guy to his car, puts him in, gets the guys address and off they go. When the arrive at the guys house the fellow helps him out of the car, half carrying and half dragging him again. They get to the door and the fellow, huffing and puffing, rings the door bell. A woman answers the door and the fellow asks, ma'am is this your husband? Why yes, she says, but
I was at a bar in Banff a couple years back. This bear walks in. Asks the bartender for a beer.
Bartender says, 'We don't sell beers to bears in bars in Banff."
Bear looks around. Says, "Bartender, may I please have a beer?"
Bartender replies, "We don't sell beers to bears in bars in Banff."
Bear looks around. He sees a single woman sitting at the end of the bar. He walks over and eats her. Turns around to the bartender and asks, "May I please have a beer?"
Bartender replies, "We don't sell beers to bears in bars in Banff."
Bear says, "Why not?"
Bartender replies, "It's that bar bitch u ate!"
I recovered shortly after 3:00 this afternoon when my hinder most parts alit upon my sofa. In the words of my 16 year old neice: "I' be aaayight".
Your concern and well wishing is most appreciated.
A fly in a meadow sees a fresh pile of cow dung next to the barn. All excited he dives in a starts to gorge himself. After, he is bloated and disgustingly full. He decides it's time to go home and take a nap. He starts to fly away. But there's a problem, he's so full he can't get off the ground. He looks over and sees a pitchfork and thinks to himself, "hey I'll climb up the pitchfork and get a flying start off of the top of the handle." He does just so. He gets to the top of the handle and takes a flying leap and plummets straight to the ground and splats all over, killing himself. Moral:
When you're full of shit you shouldn't fly off the handle.
If you tell me to stop I will. If not, on I roll!
(Of course, I have to hold you in some regard to acquiesce to your request to cease and desist in my endeavor to amuse the world in my own small way.)
Kvite possibly fraulein. Here on ze Pampas ve are not at ze cutting edge of humour. But - like vimmen - ze old vons are ze best vons, do you not agree?
Here is one that Adolf should like: Three retired navy men, one from the USA, one from Russia, one from Germany, are sitting at a dock at the Florida coast, drinking beer and telling stories about their service with their respective forces.
The Russian starts about submariens and boasts: You know, the Russian submaries were the first that could stay underwater for a full year!
The American tries to top that: Yeah, maybe but we have subs that can stay underwater for three years and we dive deeper than you can and can not be detected!
The German starts to say something but gets iterrupted by a submarine surfacing noisily just in front of their place. The sub looks very much beaten and old. With a creaking sound a lid opens and an old man armed with a gun sticks his head out: "Gentleman, in the name of the German Reich I take you as prisoners of war!"
The three guys start laughing and tell him that the war is long over. He is totally shaken and asks who did win the war, they tell him that the allied forces did.
He lowers his gun, looks down through the manhole and shouts "Fritz, the allied forces have won the war, take the picture of Kaiser Wilhelm off the wall!"
Ein Westphalian goes to his doktor und says: "Herr Doktor, mein villy has fallen off."
Ze Doktor replies: "Dumkopf! I haf never heard of zis before. Show me!"
Ze man puts his hand in his pocket und says: "Look, Herr Doktor, here it is."
Ze doktor says: "You Dumkopf. Zis is ein cigar."
Ze man replies: "Gott in Himmel - I must haf smoked it!"
A women is driving across AZ when she sees an old hopi woman on the side of the highway. She asks " do you need a ride?" The woman gets in without a word, as they drive the hopi stares at the window.
After a short time the woman notices a paper bag on the seat, "what's in bag? The drive says "that just a bottle of wine I got for my husbin.
What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan
What is a Yankee?
The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.
What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover ?
The position of the dirt bag
Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it's worth it.
What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
Doughnuts?
Why is air a lot like sex?
Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any
What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.
What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities.
What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
45 lbs
What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
45 minutes
What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.
Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.
Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you
What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?
Because they have cotton balls.
What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
"Are you sure it's mine?"
Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Mace will do that to you.
Why did OJ Simpson want to move to Arkansas ?
Everyone has the same DNA.
Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes.
Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?
He walks around saying "Yo."
Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.
Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A different bar.
Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby?
They named him "Sum Ting Wong
What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment.
What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast?
They're hiring.
What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with... "a recipe".
How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!
Why is there no Disneyland in China ?
No one's tall enough to go on the good rides
AND....LAST BUT NOT LEAST
What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..." A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit..."
Heaven must be a place where the lovers are Italian, cooks are French, engineers are Germans, Police British, and everything is organized by the Swiss.
Unfortunately the real world turns out to be a place where the engineers seem to be French, cooks British, police German, lovers Swiss, and everything is organized the the Italians...
OK, I'm back, it's morning and I'm not hung over (don't know why) and here it is, by semi-popular demand.............The one and only, nasty as can be..."Doctor Dirty" John Valby's......"The ballad of Yukon Pete".....everybody sing along! WARNING explicit language follows!
Grab your glass and get your seat,
And I'll tell you about Big-Ass Lil and Yukon Pete!
Now, Lil was the village queen,
The fuckinest hoar you'd ever seen.
While some girls fucked with grace and ease,
Lil blew dick like the summer breeze.
But when she fucked, she fucked for keeps,
She piled her victims up in heaps.
There was a rumor 'round that town,
That no man could put Lil's ass down.
But way up north, where twin rivers meet,
Lived a one-balled half-breed, name Yukon Pete!
Pete was a dirty, motherless soul,
Who fucked bears, sheep and woodchuck holes.
He got a whip for Big-Ass Lil,
Packed up his rubbers, and came down the hill.
He strode into town on size 32 feet,
Dragging sixteen yards of that red-hot meat!
Well, the scene was set at windy mill,
By the brick shithouse, high on the hill.
All the ladies came for a ringside seat,
Just to watch that half-breed sink his meat.
Well, they fucked, and they fucked, and they fucked for hours,
Uprooting trees, shrubs and flowers.
Lil did front flips, back flips, stunts
All unknown to most common cunts.
But Pete caught on to every trick,
And kept on pumping in more dick!
Then Lil gave Pete a hoarhouse squeeze
That brought that half-breed to his knees.
But Pete came back with a Yukon grunt
That popped out her eyes, and split her cunt!
Well, Lil rolled over, cut two farts and sighed:
"Boys, I've been fucked," cut one more, and died.
When they asked that half-breed of his amazing feat,
He just said, "Boys, I'm going back to the Yukon, and beat my meat
Alright lady you have opened the flood gates now remember im not a racist have friends of all races and sexes and if u go to vid before this 1 youll see i tell scottish and canadian jokes as i was born in scotland and live in canada here we go
Bad Jokes VII
What do you call MIKE TYSON with no arms
NIG%^R NIG%^r
LOLOLOLOL
Why cant Stevie Wonder read.................................
Cause hes a nig$%r
What is black blue purple orange red white yellow................................
A black lady going to church
How do u blind fold a CHINAMAN.........................................
Dentalfloss LOLOLOLOL
What did the black guy across tthe street get for his birthday...................
My bike
Whats the fastest thing in the world.........................................
An ethiopian with a mcdonalds gift certificate
Whats the 2nd fastest.................................
His brother chasing him
What do ya call a black guy in a suit.................................
GUILTY!
Anyway sorry to the peop[le this offended but dont remember any1 but my self saying sorry for scottish jokes and would love 2 hear some white jokes if ya dont have a sense of humour DONT READ MY POSTS
If u want more jokes go to door test vid lots of good material there
What do ya call 10 black guys in a shower.............................
Geurillas in the mist
Whats the difference between a blonde and a hooker,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
20 bucks
LOLOLOLOLOLOLWAKAWAKAWAKA
Jokes: rascist, nationalist, sexist. Are they mean? Yes, if that's the way you really feel about that race, that nations peoples and that particular sex. They are also wrong when being told within earshot of ones who you intend to hurt. I don't believe any of the people on here mean for their posts to offend, in fact, many apologise in case they do offend. I agree with Planettint: If you are so overrighteous that you actually think I am in earnest with such posts andwhat I post offends you
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