Q: How many Irishmen does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Two - one to hold the lightbulb and another to drink whiskey until the whole room starts to spin.
Q: Why is the suicide rate low among the Irish?
A: It's pretty hard to kill yourself jumping out of a basement.
Q: What's the definition of gross ignorance?
A: 144 Irishmen.
Q: What do you call a sober Irishman?
A: The Dearly Departed.
Aye now fellows ,Take it easy there will ya! We've had it rough over here!! If ya want to be pick'n on a peoples, then try the polacks! Mak'n fun of them is magically delicious!!
i knew rick o'shea he was a drunkard and a scoundrel! A low life if ever there was one. he was the dirtiest of the dirty .. sniffle.. and i was proud to call him pa.
...so Mikey sees Pat cummin' out the charch Satidday afternoon, and says to 'im........"Pat...yar smilin'...mus' be nice to rid yar soul at confession, eh?
Mikey says- "Ahh, yar right...had a good session with Father O'Malley just now".
"Didja", says Pat....an' wot made it so special for ya' ?"
Says Mikey: "Well, I hadda tell 'im of a coupla, sorta, y'know, "meet'ngs" wi' a few local lassies, where I mighta bent a commandment or two...one in partiklar. An' Father O'Malley asked me had it been wi' the barmaid Kathleen, to which I tol' him 'No"....then he asked if it mighta been wi' Theresa, down the lane, and I tol' him 'No'....then he asked if it mighta' been with the widow Margaret, and I again tol' him 'No'. Finally he tells me it's no matter, and to do ten Hail Marys and 10 Our Fathers".
"And so that's why yar smilin' so", says Pat, "yar all clean an new an' ready for the future now"?
And Mikey says, "far sure...an' I have three new leads for next week!"
chaz good sir,yor story tellen has made me ma cry!! now she asks where your from she say your accent sounds like ye maybe from limerick? ... oh now she says your a welsh sheep herder??
My Irish son-in-law has the funnest storys, I love the Irish, it's everyone else I hate. Ecept cats, and dogs, and trout, and French girls and polish chicks and backbone and my wife who I don't see much because we got a king size bed, not sure what end she's at, and,,,,,,,,
gym - hate stereotyping, but there IS something to it, I think. The Irish I knew did indeed appreciate their malt beverages.
Was sent to rescue my father-in-law a number of times. She who sent me thought me to be more reliable that he whom I was sent to rescue.
Mistake.
My gregarious and alcohol-improved social relative persuaded the whole bar crowd to make me the bad guy....which took three depth-charges to remedy.
(for those who may not know, a depth charge is a shot of whiskey - which one is of no matter - dropped into a pint of beer, and chugged, preferably without interruption for breathing.
Talk about the blind leading the blind..........he was c. 300 lbs., me - 170 (that was a long while ago)...his capacity for booze was greater than mine, but he also had a major head start....so he gave up his keys to a profoundly convincing dummo...that would be me. And all those times, we made it back home. I have no idea why my lovely wife sent me on those missions, given the compromised resuts...but she was Irish, and I think them Irish ladies are wonderfully forgiving.
Chaz, I spent many nights in pubs, the best in Kilkinny(sp), when we went in the winter I would get into bed at 7-8am and my wife would say "your up late" with the sunrise so late, loved it. Going to Dublin 6/14 for two weeks to see family and do some pubs and cirgar hopping/crawling.
gonna...pick your poison. Alcohol alone is enough. More than enough. The drugs of today merely refine the process of debilitation....but the end results are the same.
An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman are sitting in a pub, all enjoying a pint when a fly comes in though the window and lands in the Englishman%u2019s pint, with nose up-turned, the Englishman has the barmaid pour out the brew and replace it with a fresh one. Another fly comes in though the window and lands in the Scotsman%u2019s pint, the Scotsman just takes a large gulp and swallows the fly without batting an eye. A third fly comes in and lands in the Irishman%u2019s pint. The Irishman gently gasps the fly by the wings between his thumb and forefinger, carefully raises it about 1 inch above the surface of the pint then proceeds to hit the fly on it%u2019s back with his other forefinger and using a stern commanding voice says %u201CSpit it out ya bastard, spit it out.%u201D
A man is using his hand to scoop water from a stream to drink when an irish man spots him and shouts over - Nil d'ol e, Ta a lan bo cack san uisce.
( Dont drink that, The water is full of cow shit ).
The guy shouts back - I dont know what your saying, Im english.
The Irish guy shouts back - Use both hands youl get more.
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