Are these really accurate? I mean, hair is "indestructable"? - aging destroys hair....I know that personally...just like I know don't have 100,000 hairs on my head (hell, I can count them without my glasses on). Talk about losing 60 hairs a day...sheesh...I mean if I STARTED with 100,000, and counted what I have today, well, I guess I'm less than 5 years old.
And my wife advises me that she, in fact, has NEVER farted. And my wife has NEVER lied to me. Oh, and her eylashes last far more than 150 days...hell, there are some she has from eight - ten years ago, laying right there on the shelf.
We had three trees blown down in a storm a while back...I sneeze (with my eyes open), and not even the jade plant drops a leaf...so much for cat 5 category.
Oh...and does "flatlining" mean anything...that's when they say "He's gone"...don't recall anyone listening in for another 37 hours afterwards...hell, HE'S FLATLINED.
Oh...who the hell is measuring women's fingers during their periods? I mean, that's a suicide mission...cut and run, is what I do. Keep away from her fingers at that time, is my motto.
Flatten and unfold lungs on a tennis court....somewhere I saw another statistic dealing with the intestinal tract...I figure the lung deal is better, not because it covers more, just because tennis can resume sooner. Has to do with human's smellability...it really peaks at the same time one's tennis game does.
As for noses and ears....I'm hoping for an elephant-like future.
Just a smidge above average in the fart department....clothes fit better, don't you know...
And any chick who's applying mascara knows you can sneeze with your eyes open. So you gotta hold them open with your index fingers, but it can be done.
Ha ha you nailed that chaz, I have a different hair problem..it just keeps growing and growing and I'm 50! As for the methane part...anyone tried living with a vegan? I did, now I'm divorced! 16 a minute is more like it!
awwww damn, I thought I had something funny to say. After reading all of your stuff I politely decline. How do yo say, rotflmfao etc. etc. Chaz, my hats of to you especially.
Interesting stuff. I think the figure of 16 farts a day is wrong though. Based on my curry to beer ratio I can treble that figure and it's only just turned noon.
Nah, more likely you will lose control on either end and puke all over the place or shit your pants. Will make a memorable picture in any case, please make sure to post it on youtube.
Hey Mako.....now that would be one funny episode of mythbusters. I wonder what they would call that episode...........hmmmmm.....maybe fartbureeze, the new freshener.....fact or fiction....I dunno. I've lost my funnies somewhere, can you help me find them?
I'm so glad I have some interesting posts to read. Some of the facts in the video were less than riveting.
Another little anecdote from the life of freetobe. I don't know who else enjoys them, but I LMAO. Maybe you had to be there.
My brother told me when I was 12 that if you sneeze with your eyes open, they'll pop out. Never occuring to me for an instant that my brother's wisdom was not 100% accurate, I imparted this bit of trivia information to my 7th grade teacher, and the rest of my class. After a moment of dead silence, our teacher bent over and just about split a gut, he was laughing so hard. Not a very teacher-like thing to do, but maybe he couldn't help himself.
Well, come to find out, maybe that's true! Huh.
Shit. Wrong. She divorced me. Easy mistake. It was my second wife who I divorced, but that was for something different. Can't remember exactly what she did.
Cleveland's techniques for wooing members of the opposite sex have always puzzled me. Although we must give him the benefit of the doubt, it is hard to see what would attract a woman to someone who defecates upon their sleeping form at every given opportunity. I lived with a proctology nurse for a while, and even she found the prospect loathsome.
AT A ROUGH COUNT, I FART AT LEAST 250 TIMES A DAY.
It is always a most pleasurable experience, for me at any rate.
In 28 years of constant farting, I have only once coughed in my trousers to the extent that there was any fecal matter deposited. Of this I am exceptionally proud, although my talents are not in great demand. I find a diet of cabbage, alka seltzer and kidney beans sufficient to maintain a good degree of flatulence. The ratios may be altered to ensure a grand aroma, or stentorian tone, depending on the social occasion at which I find myself.
Incidentally, I find the habits of clevelandmudslide quite revolting.
Well, my dear Farter.
If you fart 250 times per day, that equates to 24 anal explosions each hour. Assuming you sleep for eight hours, and are thus incapable of counting during that period, I imagine you mean that you break wind 250 times in 16 hours. Prodigious indeed! More than 40 times per hour!
Have you taken medical advice regarding your condition? And do you not find your circle of friends is diminishing? Your contribution to global warming must be not inconsiderable - another factor which may encourage you to mend your ways.
anyone ever figure out how much poop we dismiss in a lifetime? I foresee a car that has a toilet seat for the driver who can just poop into the seat and with a flusher on the blinker arm, flush it into a tank that will distill it into driveable fuel. The name of the car will be the "Buick Stinker"
glumbee, that has got to be one of the most forward-thinking ideas I've ever heard! I mean that. You couldn't possibly get more energy efficient than that. I am impressed.
Hey, didn't Robin Williams do a fantastic skit on different farts? I'm not sure if it was him but someone did. It's on oldy but a goody, can anyone link it up and/or find it (maybe it was George Carlin).
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