If it wasn't for Hitler...

+6
Views:16,551
First:buiadh
7 months ago
First!
7 months ago
Scheise! Zis should haf been mine!!
7 months ago
I think morally you are first on this vid :)
7 months ago
It is nice to be appreciated. Ze fat man bears ein uncanny resemblance to ze dumkopf Goering.
7 months ago
Herr Adolf, is Goering german for Goodman?
7 months ago
Nein, Fraulein Ladyblake.

Goering is Deutsch for "fat, incompetent, greedy, pompous schweinhund who let ze RAF vin ze Battle von Britain despite being outgenumbered!"
7 months ago
LOL
7 months ago
my mistake.

Call me fraulein, again, love that!
7 months ago
Yes. But a steady diet of schnitzel and speedballs
certainly didn't help. I should know. I was assigned
to tie him off as one of my duties for M.I.6.
7 months ago
So according to this vid i should be thanking HITLER for my existence my GRANDFATHER was a TANK DRIVER for the BRITISH ARMY and was captured by the ITALIANS and handed over 2 HITLER where he spent 2 years in POW CAMP when he came back 2 SCOTLAND he was 80lbs soaking wet THANKS HITLER..........NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
7 months ago
something about your posts are really, really annoying.
7 months ago
I think it's the lack of full sentences and the random stream of thought.
7 months ago
It's gotta be meth.
7 months ago
It seems to me retro and saur that you never have anything 2 say other than try make pathetic stabs at people that do make comments so tell me what did u guys think of this video i would be willing 2 bet you have no intelligent comment so my comment to u is STAY OFF THE COMPUTER AND GO BACK TO THE TRAILER PARK!To merkin its not meth i wanted to get some of that but the dealer said "Some merkin guy and his mom have bin buying up the supply!" To the other readers sorry for my poor use of punctuation i will try to improve.
7 months ago
Captured by Italians!!??
Unheard of....
7 months ago
yeah the whole mussolini business sided with Hitler, then the Germans came and then US invaded Italy and liberated it from the wrath of Hitler.
7 months ago
lol i think arseface was making a joke about the military capabilities of the italians.. Like how everyone makes jokes about the French ability to wage war.
I dont think he was making a direct historical referance of the italian involvment in WWII
7 months ago
I think with Italians, when it comes to surrender, it's sort of like posting on Glumbert "first". You gotta be quick, or take prisoners.
7 months ago
Yes arseface if u remember in WWII the Italians switched sides a few times (usually taking the winning side)
7 months ago
Hence the Italian war flag: White eagle on white background...
7 months ago
Instead of yapping my flaps arseface im gonna try put link 2 site about my grandfather and reahttp://www.thetimecapsule.org.uk/TimeCapsule/098231E9AF3B41608C7E503A38AD6CC1_Daughter_Of_a_WW11_Vet.htmd
7 months ago
Herr Planettint!

Perhaps you DO owe your existence to you know who?
If your grandfazzer had not been captured und sent to POW camp, he might haf been killed in action at ein later date und you vould not haf been born.
Fate has ein ever-moving hand, as ze Sudetenlanders say.
7 months ago
Deepest respect and admiration to your father.

He sounds like he was truly a marvelous, treasured human being.

Regards,

C.
7 months ago
Great regards to your grandfather. My grandfather himself also fought in WWII. He wouldnt talk about it either, but I know that he fought in Africa and then in France when a Nazi shot him in the leg.

I met another WWII vet just the other day and I asked him where he fought and he said Manila, Philippines to take control of the island from those fucking Japs.

If it hadn't had been for our ancestors and the valiant soldiers who fought in WWII, I don't know what would have become of us. It was a necessary war indeed.

Ah anyways if anyone would like a personalized angle of WWII they should watch Ken Burns's documentary called "THE WAR". It is by far the most EXCELLENT documentary on the American involvement in WWII I know of to date.
7 months ago
Typo on my part there, planet....shoulda typed "grandfather".

Apologies.
7 months ago
planettint, I just read your tribute, and am inspired. I will read the rest of the posts before sharing my hero; Dad.
7 months ago
Ein brave und good man who served his country vell. I vill speak no more of zis.
7 months ago
Moving stuff planettint.
They don't make them like that any more! My father was a Hurricane pilot in WWII. His younger brothers also saw action. One was commander of a corvette in the Russian convoys - pretty hellish stuff - and the other was a doctor in the Medical Corps. He was one of the last off the beach at Dunkirk and was awarded the Military Cross.
My joke about the Italians was in bad taste, and I appologise.
7 months ago
I....just....

I don't know how to "take" this video. Professional actors playing out a scene written by others...and its message was........what? I mean, it's not like it was extemporaneous...people took time to write out this dialogue...to what end? I must have had a purpose....a message....what?

It is an awkward scene that poses the hateful acts of the Nazi's 3rd Reich and the noble notion of life in a free society in the same frame. As if one led to the other. That almost requires the viewer to yield some sort of redeeming value to the architects of the Holocaust. I am not very comfortable with that notion at all.

As for any redeeming value for the video itself....Goodman has to command his son to leave the room in order to make it appear that there is no acceptance of any good having resulted from those despicable acts...but doesn't this just deepen the insult...a father disciplining his son who, but for Hitler, would not even exist?? In fact, it reinforces that idea of something good resulting from something evil...repulsive logic.

The skit is a real exercise in emotions. If that is what it aimed for, it succeeded, at least for me.

Perhaps I am missing something(?). Anyone else see it differently?
7 months ago
I think this video is attempting to use dark humor, to illustrate the basic concept of "cause-and-effect"; "A" wouldn't have happened if it weren't for "B", which had a hand in "E" and led to "G", etc.

I had an interesting conversation with my wife a month ago; I asked her if she had a time machine, would she go back to Sept. 10, 2001, and try to warn as many people or authorities as possible, or try to do ANYTHING to avert the catastrophic horror that's going to happen the next morning. She replied, "no". I gaped at her, and asked why the fuck not??? She calmly looked at me, and said "Because by stopping or affecting THAT, I might be adding to or causing something MUCH, MUCH worse; as to what, I don't know. But those events that happened, already happened, and I KNOW what the aftermath was. I start messing with it, and I could wind up causing something completely worse. Not gonna take the chance."

In this video, as I said above, the concept of "dark humour" is used, especially if it's used in a satirical vein dealing with a sensitive, or delicate subject. This type of humour is the trickiest, and most iffy to use. It's always going to be easy to score a "miss", than a "hit" when utilizing it. I think this is because it lends itself to forcing the viewer to bear the onus of "getting it", and depending on how it's executed, it'll be very easy for them not to. Very dicey.

However, I DO give the director credit for balls, for making the attempt.
7 months ago
P.S.

I think the directors use of known comedic actors (John Goodman and Julie Haggerty) in dim-lighting, talking about a horrific event in human history was a helluva gamble.

Personally, I think it worked.

Just my own opinion.
3 weeks ago
maybe I'm just an ass, but I didn't see anything offensive about it. There is a good chance that if it weren't for Hitler lots of people wouldn't be here...granted there would be a lot of other people in their place, but you can say that about lost of people in history. As for something good resulting from something evil, I don't know how you find that so repulsive either...it happens all the time. For instance...we elect George bush....EVIL, but he takes out Sadam...Good. granted he took out a couple hundred thousand other people too, EVIL, but Haliburton makes millions...hmmm....that one didn't work out as well....maybe you're right
7 months ago
This is maybe the most intelligent vid I ever saw on Glumbert.

It shows perfectly the problems of getting the perspective on historical events. Also it shows that black and white are not applicable categories for human affairs.

Barely 2 minutes of video and it gives you food for thought for hours, brilliant!
7 months ago
yup
7 months ago
Interesting comment, Bug.....very insightful, and creatively perceptive (doncha love it when I use these inspiring terms)?.

But really, you spread light on this troubling issue (troubling, at least for me). Thanks.
7 months ago
lol
7 months ago
What if Eve never ate the apple? Good thing she did or we would not have been born and now all our heads are going to explode thinking about this....ahhhhhhh!!!
7 months ago
There are so many What ifs in history.

My history teacher told us that we shouldn't talk about what ifs because all of it is so hypothetical.

And it's the truth, you can't do that. But it's SO very FUN!!!!
7 months ago
I agree surfer. Of course, if can also torture you, but alas, to no good end. Except that, future choices may be made more wisely.
7 months ago
As usual, great insights from the Glumbertarians.

Canuck....how do you deserve such a bright spouse...gawd, she is so challenged for intelligent company. (LOL)
7 months ago
I taught her everything she knows.

LOL!

But on a serious note, I guess that's what I makes me love her so damn much:

She keeps me on my toes.

Y'know?
7 months ago
Blah...blah....blah......if I wouldn't have pulled out, maybe I would have a kid running around somewhere........Who cares. If we didn't make the choices in life that we have then we wouldn't be in our current situations.........Next topic
7 months ago
life is like a box of chocolates........
7 months ago
...fattening and expensive!
7 months ago
No. Life is not like a box of chocolates. Life is unfathomable.
7 months ago
Oh my, I just took a trip on the roflcopter!
7 months ago
To expand on the "what if" theme regarding life -

Where I come from, there is a charming epithet which says: "If my mother had balls she would be a man."
If carbon-based life had not evolved on this planet, nothing would ever have happened.
If it hadn't been a bad winter in Russia, all of Europe would have been speaking German by now.
If a group of US Rangers hadn't landed at the wrong place at Omaha Beach, the D-Day invasion would have been repulsed, or at least seriously compromised.
If Hitler had been better toilet-trained and not beaten by his dad, he might have become a bookseller.
If John Goodman hadn't needed money because of his faltering career, this video wouldn't have been made.
If Glumbert moderated its site properly, most of what we post would not see the light of day.
If Frank Sinatra had green eyes and died at 24, he'd be known as Young Green Eyes.
If I hadn't had disastrous facial surgery I'd be known as "The guy that looks like Brad Pitt" instead of Arseface.
If everyone was like me, reality tv shows would have no viewers.
If Rudyard Kipling had been in a different mood, his best known poem would have been called "When".
If use of the word "if" was outlawed, life would be extremely predictable.
7 months ago
arseface (it hurts me to call you that, but it's your choice)...you are nothing if not philosophical...and managing to inject wry humor into your contributions here.

...and if Samuel Clemens never worked on a Mississippi paddle boat, "Mark Twain" might never have created his landmark works about early rural America.

We owe much to our Englander predecessors....but not all.

And it's time you visited new plastic surgeons...I'd like to see you change your name to fit a new personna....Tom Cruise might be out of the picture, but if John Goodman can stand seeing his huge image on the big screen, then the limits of acceptable looks have been removed entirely.

Thanks arse, for your always thoughtful contributions.
7 months ago
There is a good alternate reality novel by Norman Spinrad callen "Iron Dream". It starts with the assumption that Hitler lost interest in politics after his failed coup in 1923 and became a novel writer. The last novel written by this fictional Hitler is called "Lord of the Swastika" and takes up most of the book, at the end some critics from this alternate world take the book apart as being totally unrealistic.
7 months ago
chaz
S.-Clemens books (with the exception of "Life on the Mississippi") were not about rural america but rather the vagaries of human nature..
where the fuck did you go to school?
7 months ago
Chuckles, I haven't gone to school either, but read the author you refer to. I do it for fun, and haven't been educated as you. Please, continue!
7 months ago
merkin
how the hell are ya?
re:mr twain...i'm a huge fan...always have been
he wrote..paraphrased
"The only true criminal class in america are congressmen"
how true...in fact one of my relatives served as a us congressman from massachusetts, until he was convicted of tax fraud and sent to danbury federl prison....
7 months ago
I view it as the inability of individuals to take responsibility for their actions and to accept the extent that the actions of others drive their own futures.

It is a complex subject and most are not willing to contemplate that events good and bad have shaped their lives, because knowing that is true means your actions are shaping the futures of so many of the lives on a very tiny shared planet.

That may sound insane, but when one becomes a programmer a strange thing happens to personal philosophy. Everything is cause and effect, and it is all interrelated. Some mornings on the drive to work I would try to calculate the probabilities of action and reaction of every car on the road. It is a branching infinity within each one, and the past, present, and future are all in play to create a safe drive, or a horrible crash.

How connected are you to everyone else on the planet. I read that every human being on the planet has breathed in at least one atom of the last breath of Julius Caesar.

There is a documentary on technology which makes this very point. It is called Connections and I highly recommend it.
7 months ago
Have you ever thought: "Where the heck is the index file to my desk?"
7 months ago
Where is my index to my indexes?
7 months ago
Real world sucks sometimes, it has no google and no USB port :)
7 months ago
Yes podman.

I think chaos theory has a great deal going for it, because it makes absolute sense.
We overestimate our power to manage our own lives, as a great deal happens whether we like it or not. It is important to know the difference between what we can change and what we can't. Having the courage to try to do the former and accept the latter is one of the keys to having a half-decent attitude to life.
7 months ago
Man, dat sounds just like one of dem
boozer meetins dey made me go to in the stir.
Powerless, my man, we be powerless!
7 months ago
I just heard on the radio that George Bush has declared another 'Mission Accomplished' in his trip to Israel. I now believe that GWB believes himself to be some kind of God, and that HIS mere presence makes things come true.

He is a example of the psychological damage that is caused by religion. He also believed that flying over the Katrina disaster would fix it. Where does that kind of grandiose ego come from?

Maybe extensive use of Cocaine and alcohol.
7 months ago
no i just think your making extreme statements to justify your resentment to Bush.

If you belive that he belives that he is a God then i belive that you believe that Dogs are really aliens observing human behavior.
7 months ago
I carried out an indepth postmortem on a dogs head and i can categorically confirm that there is no blue tooth connection allowing information to be transmitted to alien ships, however Cats i believe could be transmitting all sorts of shit back to the milkyway

STUTZ let it go man, you nearly went didnt yer, glumbert is an addiction, my name is skidmarks i am a glumbertholic
7 months ago
psalm2516 - You just keep praying to GWB, and all your mental problems may go away.
7 months ago
Ze Gouchos believe zat eating ze brain von ein armadillo gives zem superhuman powers.
Zey do amazing sings vith zere bolas after gorging zemselves on zis food. I haf tried it vonce only. I vos violently vomiting for two days und had no communion vith ze gods.
7 months ago
Adolf

you need to make peace with your gods in whatever why possible, or is it as i believe an inner god that we battle to control, little big god inside us all

I have only eaten the brains faggots a popular dish amongst miners in the 70's before maggie destroyed their lifes
7 months ago
lives
7 months ago
to add to the what if's, here is a big one

If i hadn't shit the biggest shit since Mr Mcshitty shit, shit a shit the size of a doodlebug, into the local toilet. Which in turn blocked up the whole sewer network, which in turn delayed everyone from getting home, which inturn caused Pauline the grocer to eat one more apple than normal before leaving for work whcih inturn caused a shortage in New Zealand apples.

Which made the local big supermarket chain swop suppliers, which meant that the New Zealand apple head of produce; Mr Applejack peters phoned up his wife and filed for a divorce because of stress, in turn made the Solicitor dealing with the case to busy to the work on the local murder case, this in turn meant that John the Bastard roamed the streets for more ice cream men to kill, ice cream sales dropped, people started to favour non ice based puddings.........this didn't really happen but it nearly happened a few times
7 months ago
Skid....you used to do better....you make me wonder why I actually read your entire post...sheeeeesh........drivel comes in all languages, I suppose.
7 months ago
Herr Skidmarks!

Zis is an amazing tale! Und all because of von turd!
Mein own contribution to ze "Vot If" debate vll seem puny in comparison, but in for ein pfennig in for ein pound, as ze Englander schweinhunds say...

If ze American Fuhrer Bush had not decided to attack Mesopotamia, ze madman Saddam vould still be in power, und 5% of ze population vould be unhappy, instead of 95%
7 months ago
Adolf; yes one turd caused this whole episode , unbelievable

Chaz, do you imagine i seek your approval or do you imagine that anyone does, you need to deflate your ego slightly and lighten up. Also make up your mind as to whether you agree or disagree with the war.
7 months ago
adolf....you can be amusing. This one, however, sucked. 99% were unhappy under the thumb of Saddam (1% or less being the ruling tribesmen). Apparently, 4% more are now happy, as you suggest...and most importantly, there is hope that this prospect has become more real for the others, a percent or two at a time, if all goes halfway well.

Don't think I am supporting this ill advised conflict...I just want to point out that there may well be positive outcomes, along with the well published downsides. Your fanciful disposed-Nazi image really doesn't work well in certain debates, IMHO.
7 months ago
Mister Chaz:
Your figures are fanciful at best.
If 99% of Iraqi citizens were "unhappy," how does that account
for the members of Saddam's ruling Ba'ath Party, whose number
far exceeded 1%? And you fail to acknowledge the segment
of the population who appreciated electricity and running
water, commodities later to be exchanged for fragmentation
bombs and internecine strife. "If all goes halfway well"?
Perhaps this is inadvertant comedy on your part.

Might I suggest that your somewhat militant stance of
seriousness makes you a ill-fitting "debate" partner for
Herr Vanker, if "debating" is indeed what we are indulging in
here at Glumbert. I fervently hope, though, that very real
points can continue to be expressed within a cloak of satire.

Samuel Clemens indeed!
7 months ago
One thing is for sure: Some 2-4% of the Iraqi people are now dead.
7 months ago
stutz....I was merely using adolf's numbers...admittedly speculative/even whimsical perhaps, both on his part and, by extension, mine as well.

You are parsing me uncomfortably close.

Might I suggest you re-evaluate your view of the common Iraqi, if there is such a person. Saddam worked both sides of the line...indeed, all sides of every line...over his period of domination. While his early efforts brought improvements generally, his genocidal horrors against the Kurds in northern Iraq can not be defended in any "debate". Originally aimed at men of military age, his use of poison gas attacks killed mostly women and children...I wonder how many of them enjoyed electricity and running water as they suffered ghastly deaths. In the later 1980's, Hussein managed to reduce all his advances in social services and national economy to shadows of what they had been just a few years earlier. Killing up to a million people tends to do that, I suppose. And it doesn't make much of a basis for international relations either.

Let me apologize immediately. This site should not engage in such passionate "debate"...and I should not have taken adolf's comments literally. He is, after all, entertainment. Sorry.

However, I really liked my Samuel Clemens comment....you turd.

Ya need ta go down to da nex' boozer ting, mahn...da firs' one dint take.
7 months ago
Ah, I see I have succeeded in raising your hackles,
a bright spot on an otherwise dreary day, nee week
or months, of horrid and embarassing intemperance.
And I take your helpful advice seriously;
it was that damned step two that stymied my progress.
Wish me luck, won't you?
7 months ago
HAH ! Funny. Not knowing step ONE sort of lowers one's awareness of step two...but, GOOD LUCK, bud.
7 months ago
chaz
do me a favor
don't vote in the next election
you are too dumb
7 months ago
OK........I just revisited this post...and Chucky...it appears you are simply wanting to pick a verbal fight.

There is no reasoning with a person bent on being antagonistic.

I do not use crudity...at least not until after my third wine. But you tempt me greatly. I have seen nothing positive from you, yet you pose, and posture, and otherwise pretend intelligence.

Arse....am I off base here? I need an objective opinion.
7 months ago
Herr Chaz!

You are kvite right. Mein understanding of international affairs is not as good as it should be.
I vonder - do you haf figures for ze number of Americans happy under ze rule of ze Fuhrer Bush?
7 months ago
Well, adolf, there are twelve in my neighborhood. Which is northeastern United States. Could be thirteen. Can't say for sure. They are all wearing paper bags over their heads...and that's how you can tell.
7 months ago
adolf
interestingly enough the % of american adults that support gwbush and his war of terror is roughly equivalent to the average % of germans who belonged to the nazi party during the years of WW2
30-35%
7 months ago
chuck....don't care for the analogy....not at all.

bush may be less than perfect...less than average, even...but drawing a comparison twixt his USA and the Nazi's Third Reich is like comparing bad fish to poison.....they both make you sick, but one absolutley kills you.
7 months ago
it's not an analogy
it's a fact
7 months ago
Chucky....we do not agree.
7 months ago
BTW....your post WAS an analogy...aligning one situation alongside another, for comparison's sake, for similarity's sake...whatever....factual or not.

I think it was enormously off target. Comparing the Nazi issue with anything happening today is simply inflammatory and non-logical...like the media loves to generate for purposes of maintaining a sales environment.

Are you part of the media?
7 months ago
you made the analogy
i stated a fact
7 months ago
it's statistically significant that the same percentage of the populations are so fucking stupid though
7 months ago
It is also significant that a country can be lead into war by a government using a twisted reality. The disturbing thing is that there are analogies.
7 months ago
Guten Morgen Glumberters!

Wunderbar! Von of mein Giant Hairy Armadillo cows has given birth to tvins!
Zis is ein extremely rare event, und is likely to make ze pages of ze vorld famous Ascuncion Telegraph newspaper. Ein reporter und photographer are visiting ze ranch today to get "ze full story".
Zey are even running ein competition for readers to give names to ze new arrivals. Ze little beasts are kvite strong already, und are fighting viciously vith each ozzer in ein box. Ein prize of ein veek's half board stay at mein ranch vill be avarded to ze person who comes up vith ze best suggestion.
Maybe Glumberters haf ideas?
Perhaps Canuck und Streamy, or Chaz und Chuck, vould be vinners. More suggestions should be submitted to
Features Editor
Ascuncion Telegraph
666 Martin Bormann Avenue
Ascuncion
Paraguay
7 months ago
i suggest naming them jenna
7 months ago
and barbara
7 months ago
Herr Vanker!
My heartfelt kudos on this propitious birth;
the infant's warrior spirits must fill your breast with
filial pride!

Perhaps they might be dubbed
Roehm and Martin, in tribute to the entertainers
of "Laugh-In" fame. I heard rumors to the effect
they still appear at the LongKnife NiteKlub in sunny
Ascuncion.
Lady Stutz is knitting matching uniforms for these
immaculate babes; may their mighty exoskeletons
serve them well in the coming struggle!
-Lord Stutz, Seventh Earl of Blogshire
7 months ago
Thanks Vanker, for your comic relief....

You haven't noted the genders involved.

For the male progeny, perhaps "Adi" (Hitler's knickname as a youth), or "Alois" (Hitler's bastard father)...or perhaps simply "Il Duce"...surely a favorite, and reaching out to your semi-aryan history.

For the female(s), perhaps Eva (an obvious choice, considering her long term relationship with das Fuhrer culminating in marriage a week before their mutual suicides)...or perhaps Klara (his mom died of breast cancer at age 47), or how 'bout Paula (his sister)...or even Maria (Schicklgruber, his grandma)....there are so many options here.......so many options, so few Armadillos.
7 months ago
Wow!

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