Will Ferrell Interupts The News

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Views:4,056
First:demian
8 months ago
First
8 months ago
Actually Lumpy is not as "First" as he thought he was as a quick look over to the left reveals this clip has had a previous glumbert run.
8 months ago
look to the left???
8 months ago
President Barack Obama and the Democrat controlled Congress are considering sweeping legislation that will provide new benefits for many Americans. The Americans With No Abilities Act (AWNAA) is being hailed as a major legislative goal by advocates of the millions of Americans who lack any real skills or ambition.



"Roughly 50 percent of Americans do not possess the competence and drive necessary to carve out a meaningful role for themselves in society," said California Senator Barbara Boxer - Democrat. "We can no longer stand by and allow People of Inability (POI) to be ridiculed and passed over. With this legislation, employers will no longer be able to grant special favors to a small group of workers, simply because they have some idea of what they are doing."



In a Capitol Hill press conference, House Majority Leader Nancy Pelosi-Democrat, and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid-Democrat - pointed to the success of the U.S. Postal Service, which has a long-standing policy of providing opportunity without regard to performance. Approximately 74 percent of postal employees lack any job skills, making this agency the single largest U.S. employer of Persons of Inability.



Private-sector industries with good records of non-discrimination against the Inept include retail sales (72%), the airline industry (68%), and home improvement warehouse stores (65%). At the state government level, the Department of Motor Vehicles also has an excellent record of hiring Persons of Inability (63%).



Under AWNAA, more than 25 million mid-level positions will be created, with important-sounding titles but little real responsibility, thus providing an illusory sense of purpose and performance.

Mandatory non-performance-based raises and promotions will be given so as to guarantee upward mobility for even the most unremarkable employees. The legislation provides substantial tax breaks to corporations that promote a significant number of Persons of Inability into middle-management positions, and gives a tax credit to small and medium-sized businesses that agree to hire one clueless worker for every two talented hires.



Finally, the AWNAA contains tough new measures to make it more difficult to discriminate against the non-abled, banning, for example, discriminatory interview questions such as, "Do you have any skills or experience that relate to this job?"



"As a Non-abled person, I can't be expected to keep up with people who have something going for them,"said Mary Lou Gertz, who lost her position as a lug-nut twister at the GM plant in Flint , Michigan , due to her inability to remember rightey tightey, lefty loosey."This new law should be real good for people like me," Gertz added. With the passage of this bill, Gertz and millions of other untalented citizens will finally see a light at the end of the tunnel.



Said Senator Dick Durbin (Democrat-IL), "As a Senator with no abilities, I believe the same privileges that elected officials enjoy ought to be extended to every American with no abilities. It is our duty as lawmakers to provide each and every American citizen, regardless of his or her inadequacy, with some sort of space to take up in this great nation and a good salary for doing so."
8 months ago
Hillarious.

I can't hope that you wrote it, however, your past performances being of such small ability themselves.

Perhaps you live in Illinois? Convoluted motives abound there, and apparently there is no need for actual performance skills...so your own inadequacies would blend quite well, I think.

Might you be the proposed target of an AWNAA movement?

Regardeless, you are to be commended for your copying efforts, as disgraceful as that might be for you amongst your peers.
8 months ago
I've seen this one go around a email a few years back. Nevertheless, it is a classic, and quite possibly future Pelosi policy.
8 months ago
correct hd

e-mail
8 months ago
That was brilliant.
7 months ago
(shrugs)

I thought it was pretty dumb, actually.
8 months ago
Oh, BTW, loved this video..........how great is this free spirit Will Ferrell ? I have him up there with Robin Williams and Jonathan Winters in the improv arena. Not many can react well in live situations, and Ferrell is soooo funny.
8 months ago
I'm with you on this one, Chaz.

This guy is funny enough to make me forget I wanna punch my fist through this monitor because I psychotically believe it'll get me a smoke.

The end of Day Nine.

And I wanna cry.

Help me, Chaz-Kenobi......you're my only hope.
8 months ago
Be tough canuck.
8 months ago
There is a war chant used by the Illini and when repeated loud enough and fast enough can provide a little relief and steam-expulsion.

Canuck...say this out loud:


OWAH

TAHDOR

KI YAM

Start slowly...then, get faster.
Let me know how it goes.
8 months ago
You posted this on the other thread, as well.

What's up?

You saw this somewhere, and you can't get enough of it?

Trust me: you sounded like you were better off at being a Bush-supporter.
8 months ago
Now now, Canuck
I am just trying to lighten...wait, we must not reference the fags...I am just trying to have a little fun.
Just because you are wrong about everything does not mean I cannot be your number one fan as you try to quit the cigarettes.

Bush supporter is sounding downright genius now, compared to Obama supporter.
8 months ago
"Bush supporter is sounding downright genius now, compared to Obama supporter"

The Prosecution rests its case.
8 months ago
STILL A FUCK HEAD, AREN'T YOU. GIVING UP SMOKING IS EASY IF YOUR NOT AN IDIOT!!!!!!!!!!!
8 months ago
canuck -
stopping smoking isn't that hard for anybody with more than one brain cell. ask your wife - she's got two, and they're both the same size as her tits.
haw haw haw!
7 months ago
and jurassic's wife's tits are floppy like his hound's ears.
7 months ago
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