Say what you want to say.
Be who you want to be.
Those that mind, don't matter.
Those that matter don't mind. )
get off your kees and stop licking your own ass.
my girl almost always pushes the button and unlocks my side while i am walking around, but i usually walk around the front since it is a shorter trip ;)
why are so many people getting married these days. blegh marriage. but congrats to you, cause you found someone. Me on the other hand, have quite the journey ahead to find someone like that.
And preggers too. Have you at least practiced on pets?? Please don't answer, Paris (15 tiny dogs) Hilton. Just keep shooting the depo into your ass....please.
heh heh, I thought I might have to clarify that for someone, somewhere. Practice being responsible and caring for something for longer than 6 months....
Oh lookie here folks, we have another infantile little boy who wants to play in the big leagues. God damn this gets tiring. These stupid sniper types who just jump in now and then to throw in their two cents worth. Do me a favour, piss the fucking hell off, I'm not in the mood.
If a man is enough of a gentleman to open my door and see me into my seat, I will lean over to open his door as well. One good turn deserves another. I miss that....
Opening doors and holding chairs is one thing. But a true gentleman would throw his best friend into a mud puddle so the lady doesn't get her feet dirty.
You could just throw down a pair of your underwear Sven. It is bigger than Randal and I put together and the mud puddle would actually clean up your drawers some. God to impress a lady and do some laundry at the same time. She'd think your a class act!
Sven if you are offering 2 (TWO!!) dudes for some chick to walk on for no discernably valid reason , well, you my friend have just become a god to all the 'tudianlly chalenged spriteful shrews out there. ( A class to which I do not belong.........yet). Where do you live so that I may direct aforementioned shrews which direct to bow down in obiesence to you?
Elizabeth: Captain Barbossa , I am here to negotiate the cessation of hostilities against Port Royal .
Barbossa: There are a lot of long words in there, Miss; we're naught but humble pirates. What is it that you want?
Elizabeth: I want you to leave and never come back.
Barbossa: I'm disinclined to acquiesce to your request. Means "no".
Elizabeth: Oh Brave Captain, won't you reconsider? I know of a castle several days travel hence, where upon, arrival you will find a castle full of virgins who are in need of, indeed are desirous of a good spanking.
Barbossa: Men, get the coconuts! Prepare to departs.
Elizabeth: Oh Bless you Captain. Do stop off on the way and visit the bunny. Such a sweet a gentle creature.
Sir Lancelot: We were in the nick of time. You were in great peril.
Sir Galahad: I don't think I was.
Sir Lancelot: Yes, you were. You were in terrible peril.
Sir Galahad: Look, let me go back in there and face the peril.
Sir Lancelot: No, it's too perilous.
Sir Galahad: Look, it's my duty as a knight to sample as much peril as I can.
Sir Lancelot: No, we've got to find the Holy Grail. Come on.
Sir Galahad: Oh, let me have just a little bit of peril?
Sir Lancelot: No. It's unhealthy.
Sir Galahad: I bet you're gay.
Sir Lancelot: Am not.
Barbossa: We're off!
Elizabeth: If you are inclined brave sir, two furlongs out of town there is a body of water rumored to be home to an elusive watery tart wielding a heaily jeweled sword. As she is blond, perhaps if you cast a mirror to the bottom of the lake, she mayest drown, and the sword will be yours to use for the aforementioned spankings.....
Elizabeth: She is the bane of my existance, she stole my one true love: a one-eyed scaly troglodite named Mongo. I curse her, thiugh she be my own sister. I used the mirror trick once on her as a child and only the intervention of our lard laden nanny saved her. Here, take my mirror.
Barbossa: Um, um, o.k.....
I'm getting confuse over crossed movies
Jack Sparrow: [after Will draws his sword] Put it away, son. It's not worth you getting beat again.
Will Turner: You didn't beat me. You ignored the rules of engagement. In a fair fight, I'd kill you.
Jack Sparrow: That's not much incentive for me to fight fair, then, is it?
M'lady Blake.
I am aforn that you shall not breathe the same air as we truncheons. Please step back so that ye shall not pollute thyself, and all may regale in thy gloriousness.
We are not worthy....
Chaz....you have always been a sweet, if somewhat absent, friend. I believe I can speak for all the softer, yet very strong, women on this site. You would have to go very far to offend. We are not the foreign creatures you might suppose. However, we are fairly wise.
riza...so sorry not to have seen your post just above until just now. Thank you for your sentiments...I have really enjoyed Glumbert a lot more since you and FTB joined the fray. Don't tell anyone, but I do think women can render more balanced views than posturing males...at least, more often than not.
Except for me, of course. Objectively spoken, as always.
HAH!
What did the toothless termite ask when he went into the tavern?
Okay...anyone want my predictions for IOWA this THURSDAY!?!?!? Ah, you're getting it anyways.
Huckabee will win the Republican caucuses; he's ahead in the polls and he's the Republican answer to the Mormon and the 9/11 Tourettes Guy (rudy). Iowans don't like the Romney attack ads against Huckabee. McCain will drop after South Carolina. The other insignificant Republicans will promptly drop out after the NH primary.
I know my enemy pretty well, but I hate to say that I don't know my side all that well. The polls indicate a 3-way tie for Iowa. The democratic candidates are nothing but a handful of assclowns. That being said,
Hillary WILL NOT win Iowa. That's my prediction, let's see if it'll hold up. I'm going to predict that Edwards will either come in 1st or 2nd. Don't underestimate this southern boy (my kind) too soon. Obama, my God, is another story. I don't even want to start with my rants against him (or Hillary), so I don't want to take up typing space talking about it. I WILL say this, though:
- If HILLARY CLINTON wins the nomination, the REPUBLICAN will win the presidency. Mark my words.
- If OBAMA wins the nomination, the REPUBLICAN candidate will win the presidency. Mark my words once again.
Alright. Bill Richardson, Taciendo (I don't even know his damn name) will drop out after Iowa. To follow after New Hampshire will be that kooky ass clown millionaire Biden and the other insignificant Democrats.
None of the Democratic choices are truly electable candidates, but I'd say that Edwards is the CLOSEST to being the most electable.
Alright, ladies and gentlemen, start your voting! And I do encourage all glumbertians who are Iowans or primary state residents to go and vote in BOTH, yes BOTH, primaries (I dont think you can vote in more than one caucus).
Election season gets me cranked up, baby! Everyone, feel free to post all of your thoughts about my predictions, and remember them so we can see if they'll hold up! Have a happy new year to all!
Surfer - I don't know about your prediction, but I bet whoever wins will be wealthy and well connected to their corporate masters.
What we see running on TV for the current candidates here in New England.
Rudy Giuliani: (Many Ads) Is running an ad preaching the benefits of trading arms for hostages. Yes it's really true.
Mitt Romney: (Many Ads) Is running on his record as governor of Massachusetts, and his Olympic record. He is actually proud of this? He is also running constant attack Ads against McCain Nuff said.
John McCain: (Many Ads) I running attack Ads against Mitt Romney. His Ads make him look like a senile old fool. I used to like this guy, but what happened Mr. McCain?
Hillary Clinton: (Many Ads) Is running a honest campaign on her record and is not pretending to be something she is not. Generally inoffensive but is a known corporate shill. But she is ok with that.
John Edwards: (Many Ads) Is running ads proclaiming himself a poor country boy who fully understands the 'common' man and his situation. Odd since this guy is a lawyer who is incredibly wealthy. He needs to accept the distance created by his own wealth and run with it.
Barack Obama: (few Ads) Runs ads that are so dull I cannot remember any of them, so that puts him in the Hillary category. Dull but seemingly honest about himself.
Ron Paul: (Very few Ads) Runs powerful ads that I agree with, but they are all hot button issues. I never heard of this guy before the presidential race, so he needs more of a identity in the public mind. I might like this guy.
All the rest: If they are running ads I don't remember them. What does that say about them?
jimmy, you're totally right. they're all losers in my eyes too.
pod -
Guiliani - arms for hostages? In what context? Gah, he's a 9/11 tourettes guy.
Romney - He has an "olympic" record? wtf...I didnt know that?
Edwards - He was at first a poor country boy but made millions off of fighting for patients rights in legal suits.
Of course all are backed by corporate interests and these so called "special interests" that benefit the few. The question is, how to rake the muck? I think we need someone to act like Teddy Roosevelt here, go on a muckraking campaign message to unite with a populist agenda....I don't see it happening, though. :-(
Well, I think that a black man would become president before a woman would. Unless that woman is a conservative. Just look at Marg Thatcher. She was as crazy as Reagan!!!
I like Edwards, he's populist in most aspects. He's the one who REALLY pushed the health care issue. No one gives him credit for that.
Huckabee is an interesting character. He's got populist qualities as well, but he's a total nut case.
That being said, I HOPE thats who the nominees are. It would be most interesting and at least give the Democrats a chance of getting the presidency. If Hillary or Obama does get the nomination, like I said, we're fucked.
Thats right, you were part of the "quick and surprising" snow storm mentioned on CNN. Well, be safe out there.
I wish Michigan would give me some of the snow. We used to get tons of snow here starting in December/January in VA, we'd get white Christmases, it was beautiful. Now the only snow that comes to us is a dibble dabble 1/2 inch in February. Blows.
Bill,Don't give the afore mentioned sniper any life on this site by responding! LOL, HAPPY NEW YEAR! Miter, Please please don't post anymore of the ignored video! Dude I was eating my oatmeal when I clicked on to that. :) I finished it no sweat tho! :)LOL!
On a lighter note. The kid in this clip above (A BRONX TALE) is in prison awaiting trail for the murder of an off duty N.J Police officer. It seems Billy joe and bobby sue up there shot a man while robbing his castle !(Steve miller band) In this case it was the recently abandoned neighbors house(owner died). Cop heard some noise outside and surprised two guys . One being the boy in the film. The other perp shot and killed the policeman but being a policeman in N.J they're both facing life. (now that we abolished the death penalty in this state)!
I'm not sure about the capital punishment thing tho?
Oh.. it could've been a N.Y Police Officer also I can't remember I get the news from both states , and I'm so close to the city I feel no separation sometimes! (most times). :(
Morning all (I mean afternoon) Just getting mobile, a little foggy today. I am getting too old to stay up that late and drink that much. Oh well, hope you all had a good one. As for the "sniper", just bad timing on my part. Don't piss off an Irishman when he's drinking. LOL
Remind me not to drink beer, then champagne, then wine (gross) in that order. I didn't get drunk last night, but I woke up just now and there is a terrible taste in the back of my throat. And I promise, I didn't watch 2girls1cup again.
Gr8 detective work chuck as for ks vid i lasted 4 seconds long enough 2 see a boring loner wining about sumthing and Randal love the vid LOL Happy New Year All Wish Ya all the best
So much content to pilfer, and we get a 15 year old movie clip w/o the finale? Has the advertising dep't sold out to the DVD sellers now. BAD GLUMBY!!!
I made an observation seeing 3 seconds of ks vid on you tube and seeing his spelling of the N BOMB on the robbed video #IGAR i think ks is MCLOVIN FROM THE MOVIE SUPERBAD WAZ UP MCLOVIN LOL
Bad joke time......Theres a scottish guy,italian guy,and a canadian newfie working on a roof the scottish guy opens his lunch and says"If i have ham and cheese again im throwing my lunch off the roof!!!!!!The italian looks in his lunch and says"If i have kolbassa again im throwing my lunch of the roof!"The newfie looks in his and says"If i have cod sandwiches again im throwing mine of the roof!"
So the next day the three guys r up on the roof and the scottish guy looks in his bag and sees steak pie so he shouts out"Shes Lucky!" and eats his lunch the italian guy slowly peeks in his bag and with a sigh of relief says"pizza shes lucky" now the newfie just jumps up and throws his lunch of the roof the scottish guy says"What ya doing man u never even looked in your bag!"The newfie replies "I know i packed me own lunch!!!!!"
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
There was this Newfie. He's rowing his boat across the Bay of Fundy, singing, "I'se the by who builds the boat, I'se the by that sails her"
The Gods above decide to have a little fun. They decide they will take out half of his brain. So they do this. And the Newfie keeps on going. "I'se the by who builds the boat, I'se the by that sails her"
The Gods are not impressed. They decide to take out another half of his brain, and leave him with 1/4. "I'se the by who builds the boat, I'se the by that sails her"
Now the Gods are pissed. "Let's just remove all of his brain!?"
"Frère Jacques, frère Jacques"
Bad joke 2 What did the newfie girl say when she lost her virginity...............
..............DAD get off of me your crushing me smokes
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
Good call canuck that is the movie awesome film ok since theres no new videos im gonna tell another BAD JOKE and to show im not racist or biast im gonna tell a scottish joke and for the record i was born in EDINBURGH SCOTLAND so here it goes and please GLUMBERT put up some new vids so i stop telling jokes
Why do scottish guys wear kilts.........................................................
Cause the zippers in pants scare the sheep!
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
BAD JOKE #4 Did you hear about the new NEWFOUNDLAND FLAG.................
Its 2 cods on a welfare cheque
LOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLOL
Canuck - be a man. Your posts are excellent, your contributions are wise and I enjoy reading your comments. Don't take it all too seriously, and give me what you have got! Happy new year - buck up!!
Two Indians, a chief and a brave, walking along the trail, when chief stops suddenly, drops, puts his ear to the ground and says,
Chief: train cum...
Brave: how u no?
Chief: hear it, ground shaky...
They walk a bit further and sure enough, a train goes by in the distance. The young brave, wanting to impress the chief, stops suddenly, drops, puts his ear to the ground and says,
Brave: buffalo cum......
Chief: how u no?
Brave: ground sticky!
Two Indians, a chief and a brave, walking along the trail. They come across another brave with his ear to the ground. Brave with ear to the ground says, " Three chuckwagons, ten horses, 45 braves on foot."
Chief says, "how do you know that?"
Brave says, "Run over me about half hour ago."
Chief: " When your older brother was born, we saw a running wolf and named him RUNNING WOLF. Wen your sister was born we saw ducks fly over, and we named her DUCKS FLY OVER. But why do you ask TWO DOGS FUCKING?"
Two Eskimos walking, one old, one young, suddenly....
Old Eskimo: STOP!
Young Eskimo:What?
Old Eskimo: Look, looks like dogshit, pick up...
Young Eskimo: Huh?
Old Eskimo: PICK UP!...feel like dogshit?
Young Eskimo: ugh, feels like dogshit...
Old Eskimo: Smell...
Young Eskimo: huh?
Old Eskimo: SMELL!....smell like dogshit?
Young Eskimo: ugh smells like dogshit....
Old Eskimo: Taste...
Young Eskimo: Whaaat!
Old Eskimo: TASTE!...taste like dogshit?
Young Eskimo: gag heave spit.....yes taste like dogshit...
Old Eskimo: Hum, throw down, must be dogshit, good thing we didn't' step in it!
Anyone had literal shit mailed to them? I didn't think US Mail would mail it. But they did. Reason I know, is, someone opened a package at work today, and it was shit. Crazy.
Here is something odd I discovered about the US mail service yesterday. I was at the P.O. mailing a video game, and the clerk asked me if it was media. I said it was a video game. He said are you sure? I said yes, it is a video game for X-Box. Now the interesting part...
OK... I think this is important enough to retype, but then I'm done with this fuc*ed up comment parser. Hey Glumbert you want to hire me to recode your parser so that it actually works?
Anyway... The P.O. clerk says: " All medial mail is subject to being opened and inspected. And then asked if I would like to insure the item?"
Isn't it illegal for ANYONE to tamper with the mail, and especially a quasi-government agency? I bet Franklin and Jefferson are spinning in their graves at the Bush definition of privacy! There is even a sub division of the P.O. that is employed to prevent interference and tampering with the mail. What are those people doing now? "Opening and Inspecting the mail", or sitting at home waiting for their paychecks to arrive by Fedex? If so, they should all be fired.
And yes, I know younger folks will say: "that I'm a old man and I should just shut up. What am I trying to hide? And privacy is for criminals. "
Well I think it sucks, and I would have argued with the guy, but it's not HIS fault and there was a line.
Freedom is rarely lost in one big sweep, but the individuals are convinced to give them away little by little until freedom is just a word that no one understands anymore.
This guy had a bad case of gas. He made the strangest noise when he farted. He went to several doctors to no avail. The proplem followed him where ever he went. At his wits end he decided to try alternative medication and when to a Chinese heralist. He told the doctor "I can't stop farting and when I do it sound like "HONDA". The doctor checked him over and pronounced that he needed to go to a dentist. Baffled, but desparate he went to a dentist the herbalist recommended. The dentist told the man to open his mouth, and as he poked and prodded, he yelled "Aha!, here it is! You hav abcess." The man was dumbfounded. "But the problem is at the other end." "You have abcess" said the doctor. "Everyone knows abcess makes the fart go Honda"
I also think there is a correlation between high casualties and soldiers from different climates. They just have more trouble adapting and operating in heat or cold.
Just a idea that I think the military should consider.
Well, I'm not willing to get into a debate about which country can kick any other country's ass.
I don't support any of the politics that get all of us into the war zone.
I will say that I support the boys that go over and do the things they are told to do. And I wholeheartedly support bringing them home alive.
Ven I vos in Zanzibar, ein funny little chap folowed me around for ein hour, alvays asking for ein tip.
Eventually I said: "Here is ein tip - do not tie your shoelace in ein revolving door!"
I laughed heartily und zen I kicked him in ze gonads.
Happy New Year!!
Been away a while...doesn't take much time to catch up on the Glumbert videos, since there are so few - but there are so many posts that I finally had to skim through them all just to get to the bottom of this most recent thread.
Seems we have added new posters at both ends of the "civility" scale over recent times. Nice to see the reaction of the "good guys" (and gals) to the crudity of the irksome few.
And now, following the precedent set by jokesters above:
...and our lord came upon a throng preparing to stone a young woman...
...raising his hand, he called out to them, "HOLD!...Let ye without sin cast the first stone!"
...and a small, gray haired lady hauled off and pegged a rock that fell just short of the woman.
...and our lord turned to the old lady and said, "ya know, ma, sometimes you really piss me off!"
OKOKOKOK...it's just a joke....really....just a joke...no hate email please. It's irreverant, I know. How 'bout this one:
The Lord is golfing with Moses, tries a three wood off the tee and tops the ball so it lands in a water hazard. He commands Moses to part the water and retrieve the ball so He can hit again.
As He tees up again, a bystander whispers to Moses, "who does he think he is, Jesus?". Moses replies, "No, He actually IS Jesus, but He THINKS He's Tiger Woods!"
OK...'nuf for now. Happy New Year Glumbert "regulars"....and congrats to grp24 on winning the "FIRST" contest (hope I got the id right). I expect we'll continue to see exclamations of "FIRST" for some time to come, which I don't mind, so long as that's not the poster's only contribution to the site.
Oh...I forgot. Freetobe.....I visited the site where you posted your picture. You are some....fine....looking.....lady. And you post so nicely and sincerely. And you're blond. That's a trifecta of the best sort.
So, FTB, what would you do if I threw a mirror into the lake?
FTB, I meant no personal jab! I can tell from your posts you're a very smart chick. BTW my two sisters are blonde and green eyed. I am dark haired with brown eyes. I'm just jealous. Chaz, shame on you, trying to start a kitten fight ;-)
A nice part of Blunderingbert is that one doesn't always know which gendre is posting (tho' sooner or later it gets clear). And when a lady presents herself to the site, there is always the risk of the classic male responses arising from anonymity and testosterone surges, which, together, are either criminal, or exotic...there are a few stages in between, I think.
Love your frank posts. Testosterone aside (momentarily, that is), welcome to the caring-more-than-they-will-admit Glumbert family. Gawd...disfunctional as this "family" might be, there are very intelligent posters here. And very witty. And humorous. Canadians, even. Sorta.
Never had cod in Newfoundland....but the lobsters were fantastic!
Thanks for the welcome Chaz. I stumbled upon this site by accident and I am quite take with the whole lot of you Glumbertians. Intelligent, insightful, often hilarious and delightfully irreverant.
I hope never to offend, but as you have noticed, I am frank. The only things I hide are my good jewelry and good booze. Someone once said:
'Tis better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to open one's mouth and remove all doubt. I think he's dead now....
Ok chaz, I give up. What would I do if you threw a mirror into a lake? I am mystified. (Is that a word?).
Glad to hear from you chaz, seems like it's been awhile. And lady, welcome. I have laughed my ass off already, I'll take it. Been in some pain lately, and anyone who can take my mind off that is a true hero in my eyes!
Chaz, thanks for the compliment, but yes, I am blonde. Need things explained once in a while! LOL.
Love all the blonde jokes though.
Chaz, you enjoying your wine tonight? I am. Oh hell. I'm replying to a post that was two days ago. Hope you see it.
FTB...not to worry...there'd be a host of Glumbertarians rushing to your side, including a unique septuagenarian clad in Armadillo leather and smelling strongly of schnapps and chile pepper.
Bad Jokes Part IV (GLUMBERT GET SOME VIDS UP I CANT HANDLE MY BAD JOKES ANYMORE)
Heres some doctor humour (im not 1 )
What do u give a guy that has everything................................................
Penniscillan!
LOLOLOLOLOLOL(I KNOW I SPELLED THAT WRONG)
How do u get the 1 armed newfie outta the tree........................................'
Wave!LOLOLOLOLOL
Bad Black Jokes Remember i made scottish joke so have a sense of humour
How do u hide money from a black man........................................................
Under his work boots LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
Whats the difference between a medium pizza and a black man\
A medium pizza can feed a family of 4 LOLOLOLOLOL
Bad Female JOKE and remember i love ya ladies
Why does a bride where white...................................................
Cause the dishwasher should match the referigerator
WAKAWAKAWAKAWAKALOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
Like the other jokes there good keep em coming till we get vids or a LIFE LOL
How about the guy who comes home from work and finds his wife sitting on the edge of the bed sans clothes, rubbing waxed paper on her bare breasts. "What the hell are you doing?" he asks. His wife replies "I was watching a show today and they said rubbing wax paper on your breasts makes them bigger" The man snorted in derision and replied: "Why don't you try toilet paper, look what it did to your ass".
Happy New year to the World.... may peace and joy find us all~ in the great year 2008. Here's my joke, kinda goofy, but...
A cop, parked along the Hiway, was passed by a large black limosine. As it sped past, he noticed beer cans and party hat's flying out the window of the limo, so the officer flipped on his lights and raced to catch the car. Having successfully pulled the vehicle over he approached cautiously and peered into the window. In the backseat sat 23 penguins drinking beer and having a great time partying.
"What's going on here?" the Cop asked the driver.
"Well," replied the driver "I'm just taking my friends for a ride"
The cop, quite angrily said, "I want you to slow down, quit littering and take all those damn penguins to the zoo!"
"Yes sir!" said the driver, and off he drove.
The next day the cop sat in his same spot and recognized the limo as it cruised by. He decided to check the situation and see if the driver had done as instructed. So once again, he flipped on the lights and chased down the car. He got up to the driver's door and looked into the backseat. Once again, there sat the penguins, only this time they had beach towels and were wearing sunglasses. This made the cop very angry.
"I thought I told you to take these penguins to the zoo!?"
"I did", said the driver, "and we had so much fun, today we're going to the beach!"
BAD JOKES Part V
(Remember all: I am just a jealous non-blonde.)
What do you get when you line up several blondes side by side?
A wind tunnel.
Did you hear about the blonde who went into a service station asking for a 710? Every one was confused she insisted she needed a 710. About to give up she was asked to point it out what she needed. She leaned in under the hood and pointed to the OIL cap. "See a 710!"
What happens when you shine a light into a blondes eyes?
Baddest of the Bad jokes
Must say first im not a racist id tell white jokes if i knew them know lots of newfie jokes anyway in no way am i a racist have friends of all races and sexes just like jokes.............................
A friend of mine is a truck drive down south he hauls bowling balls anyway he cruising up the interstate 95 and sees two black children at the side of the road with a broken bike so he pulls over and offers them a ride he has no room in the cab of his truck so tells them they have to ride in the back so the 2 children climb in the back with there broken bike anyway he get around 15 miles up the intestate and the Georgia State Police pull him over and ask him what is he hauling my friend says"Why dont u check yourself" so the officer opens the back doors Yells "oh my god" quickly closes the doors and runs to the driver and says"Listen get outta here quick you have a trailer full off NI%^ER EGGS 2 have hatched and 1 has already stole a bike
WAKAWAKAWAKAWAKALOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
Bad racist jokes part2 not from a racist
What do u call a pakistani in a car accident...................................
Bangladash
LOLOLOLOLOLOL
A truck driver picks up a female hitch hiker. After a while they pull over to have a quickie. Afterwards he says: "Had I known that you were still a virgin I would have taken more time", she replies "had I known you have more time I would have taken off the panties".
Ok to make up for those all though born in scotland i live in canada so heres a canadian joke by the way to explain the spelling of this 1 our former prime minister is french
Did u hear about Jean Chretiens Rape Court Case
Judge: Tell us jean what happened
Former Pm jean: Well i meet this girl i take her 2 my place and
Judge:and what jean
Pm :well u know i kiss her i touch her
Judge : yes we know but did u have her consent
Pm: Oh yes i had her consent on my fingers on my face......
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOILOLOLOLOLOL
Lady...my dad bristled at the "scotch" label...."scottish" is what he always proclaimed.
...and so, Ryan met Glen as he was coming from the confessional, all smilin', an''appy. "Glad yer'e 'appy from confession", Ryan says...."so the soul is now' clean and ye're glad, eh?"
"Well", says Glen, "as it 'appens, aye 'ad a guud moment wi' the pastor. Tol' him aye'd sinned wi' a lady lahst week, and he asked:
were it wi' Sadie, the herders dahter? I said "no".
then he said, "were it wi' Theresa, down the lane?. I said "no".
well, then, were it were wi' the maid keepin' at the milkhouse?
-again, I said "no".
"Well", the vicar said, "say ten Hail Marys, and ten Our Fathers, and then go in peace".
"So, then", says Ryan, "ye're 'appy you've cleansed your soul!".
"Yea", says Glen, "and I got three new leads for next week!"
HERES A WHITE AND BLACK JOKE
Why do white people go to bkack peoples yard sales..................................
To get there stuff back
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
By the way loving every1s jokes especially the dog shi% inuit joke and ladys toilet paper joke WAKAWAKAWAKAWAKALOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLHAHAHAHA
I still think there are a lot of women who would love your kinda humour.....remember, most women don't like the nice guys. We should....but no offence nice guys....from the heart, my advice (which isn't worth anything btw) to all you amazing nice guys out there. Pretend to be assholes a bit and you'll be amazed at who you find. And don't say that the women who are attracted to nice assholes aren't worth it. Historically and genetically speaking, women are searching for the dominant male. Which to all you whining sisters bemoaning I want a sensitive man, I want someone who understands me, I want equality (Okay I want equality too) but back to the other stuff. I don't want a sensitive man (if I'm threatened I want him to shoot first and ask questions later). I don't want a man who understands me (1. I don't understand myself 2. If a man understands me he's gonna want me to understand him.....farting, ass scratching, etc. I don't wanna know....just jokin' guys....but really, why the hell do we need to understand each other to begin with? Okay, everyone should stop reading now. I'm all over the page now. I also don't necessarily want clear cut equality either. There, I said it, so crucify me. I don't mind raising a child and keeping house. I am also capable, if disaster strikes of taking charge of my family and getting the hell outta dodge. (And that my friends is known as the 'Mother Bear' Instinct. Anyone out there who has a mother or has had a mother (don't bother stating the obvious, I'm talking about those out there who have been raised and loved by a mother (literally or figuratively)) It also applies to many fathers.
P.P.S. No offence boys, but if I had to deal with a bear........one on one.....I would wish for a male bear. You don't ever want to mess with a mamma bear and her cubs.
Umm, wait did I say that right? I am you, nine years ago. Or, you will be me in nine more years. At any rate, we think alike on many things!
Later Cupcake.
I must elaborate. I feel a man should be strong, take care of his woman and his family. He should be a little bit aggressive if he needs to be, but able to express caring and love. Women do not need to be in competition with men, there is no competition. Women are women, men are men. That's it. We should be able to lean on them if we need to, but also able to take care of ouselves and kids if we have to. Dominance, in it's purest form (which is, displayed with protection and concern) is a very attractive feature. And the most liberal, fired-up, hell-bent, independant woman on this planet would not be able to resist a man who is willing to stick up for her. That is the plain truth. As I see it anyway. Am I close Riza?
Now I am going to rent a copy of Rocky, so I can get the eye of the tiger back.
Then I will watch the movie, What's love got to do with it, and I will take notes from Ike Turner! I ought to be a raging asshole, and the shawty's outta role my way. I am going for the gusto! SCORCH AND BURN THE FIELD!!
Understanding a man's gastric air movements is a good thing. In case one day he gets playful and decides to rest the barking spider firmly on your cranium you will want to know whats coming.
Why waste energy opening the door? Throw her out of the window like a real douchebag!
The only time I managed to get a woman into my car, she took one look at my face and was sick on the dashboard.
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